Not As Expected.
I will just lay down all the cards.
1.The Genre - It is not Heavy Rock at all.
Suggestion: Listen to Heavy Rock music a lot. Go and look for any materials you can get. Borrow some recording from your friends. Just listen to it and study the music carefully because I honestly think that you don't understand the Genre at all.
2. Music Structure - It has no structure, no direction.
Suggestion: Read a lot of stuff regarding this matter. You know what? we are lucky we live in time where all the effective structures are lay down before us by the previous masters of music. They already built the paths so that we can use them.
3. The Song is not that Interesting.
Suggestion: Catch your listener's attention. Always think that you've got only 6 seconds to catch their attention and after that their gone.
In a gist, you have to re -write it!
You know in Basketball, no matter how spectacular is the shot when the ball doesn't shoot in the basket it doesn't count, Right?
What I'm trying to say is, people don't care how you make it. In the end all they'll do is listen.
I'm Preachy!!! Hahaha!
I hope You'll find my post helpful. keep up the enthusiasm!